I have time to cry

Do you ever put your iTunes on shuffle only to have thee perfect song come on? I love when that happens because I think "Wow, something went right without me trying".

I was watching Grey's Anatomy earlier (which has now become my most recent TV show must-watch drama) and there was this patient who had seizures. They had put a brain map on her and George and Izzie were trying these different ways to get her to have a seizure because she simply wouldn't have one. They made her watching TV 2 inches from her eyes, and loaded her with espresso but neither worked. But when Izzie and George starting fighting she had a seizure. She had watched people fighting all of her life because she was a divorce attorney. Her life was watching people fight and having seizures. She wasn't having seizures in the hospital because she was happy for once. In the end, instead of having brain surgery to fix the seizures she decides to quit her job and live HAPPILY. Thats the treatment. Holy moly.

So I was watching this and it made me really miss my high school buddies and, dare I say it, school. God, I used to laugh to much with them. Now that I'm in college it seems to close to the time when I will have to find a reliable job, man and have kiddies.

I found all of these old photos from 1993, when I was one and my sister was four. They are so childish and fun. I'm either smiling in all of them or climbing on my sister like a jungle jim. I miss not working and not giving a shit about things. Children have it so lucky. I am incredibly jealous. Maybe thats why I miss working with kids, because it was my job to be funny and goofy with them. They loved nothing better than when I would chase them around on the play ground or "make dinner" in the sand box. It makes me think about my life. (sorry for writing such a serious blog. I'm really just writing pretty much anything that comes to mind).

I am studying to be a Communications and Graphic Design major. What the fuck am I going to end up doing though? I swear if I am designing the packaging for condoms I will go crazy.

The good thing though, is that I am way to committed to falling in love and going on adventures to have myself sit behind a computer messing about with Photoshop.

I really like to think that life is all about finding love. I know that may sound cliche but half of the things I think about are about being happy with someone. Maybe I just watch way to many chick flicks and think way to much about the perfect moments I have with Matt, not to say that we constantly have perfect moments because we don't but when my veins are roaring with anger over something or when I am on the verge of crying out a gallon of water it's the perfect moments that make me happy again. The LOVE that is there.

When Matt doesn't call me when he says he will I get sad, but other times he will call me at 3 AM to say his bed is too big without me and he misses me. Thats the annoying thing about love is you can't help it.

I haven't found my soulmate yet but I can't express to you how happy I will be when I finally do.

Song of the day: You don't have to cry by Crosby Stills and Nash

Something about the day

There is something about today that just completely sucks.

I woke up this morning at 9, after my phone alarm went off, then I sat up and waited for my alarm clock to go off (because I don't trust my phone). Maybe it was the fact that I actually had to get up and go to work that made today drab. I can't really decide. The weather wasn't all that bad. Colder than it has been I guess. I got to work and my coworker was there. Didn't do too much, made a couple of files, talked about the holidays and wished I had gotten a coffee on my way there. Maybe it's the fact that my new year resolution along with everybody else is to lose weight. Well who knows, I just know there's something about the day that's not sitting right with me.

I hate trying to lose weight. I'm actually at a healthy weight for my height so now its just aiming for that false idea of perfection. I tell myself I'm going to go to the gym after work (which I actually managed to do today) but it's a horrible wreck trying to get the motivation to work out for more than a half an hour. I think it might have to do with the fact that whenever I go to the gym its all these fit college guys in their tight tank tops and ripped muscles as an audience. I do not understand why people run for 10 miles, much less lift weights for an hour. Personally, all I really do at the gym is set a goal to burn about 100 calories and if I go over that HURRAH for me. That way when I manage to not be such a lazy bum I feel good about myself. It works.

I did burn 100 calories at the gym and then did free weights for about 2 and a half minutes. But then I got home and thought "well thats a shitty way to start my new year" or something much less positive along those lines and did a pilates/yoga video which I find much more awesome. Of course it was all for nothing because I can simply not deny myself mint chocolate chip ice cream. It is way to delicious to feel bad about eating, at least while your eating it.

There could be worse thing to suffer from. I would rather eat a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream as a youthful college kid that later when I'm 62 and have diabetes.

SOOO now that we've talked about weight I'd like to change the subject.

I just watched the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya sisterhood. Completely and totally not what I expected at all. For some reason I was envisioning more Sisterhood the Traveling Pants kinda bull shit. This was actually hilarious because I feel like know people were like that as a kid. I mean, you gotta admit, your grandma probably did some pretty crazy stuff when she was a teen so it's fun to watch the memories of these people come to life. A lot of it was depressing, but the creative crowns they wear totally make it worth it.

Meal of the day: Dad's home made Mac and Cheese

Song of the day: Come talk to me by Bon Iver