I keep on going up and down on this whole college life experience and weather or not I like it. Sometimes I am perfectly content with understanding and believing in who I am, while at other times, if I could I would definitely go back to middle school and change the course of my life completely. I think that the university I am at right now is not right for me at all. It's a big school, so there's a lot of students (about 16000 to be exact) which of course means a lot of different types of people. I am not used to having so many people around ALL THE TIME. And, while at first I was good with having a big school (because of the opportunity to make loads of new friends and what not) I find that a shit load more difficult than it seems. People here have found their friends, or made friends of friends and they seem perfectly content with not wanting any more..which makes it hard for me to squirm my way into hanging out with the seemingly chill people. So...college blows. I should have joined the peace corp and learned more about who the hell I actually am.
   Spose this is just me complaining, I am sure that I'm just being stupid. I should have chosen a different fucking school. What the fuck. This is probably the biggest regret of my life thus far. WHY. what the hell was going through my head when I thought attending school 20 minutes from my house would be fun. I need to get out of maryland. OUT. out out out. -.-
     Can I just reverse time somehow? Why is there no space machine that can do that yet. I am furious. OKay, not furious, just mildly depressed....I think I have watched a whole season of Bones so far this semester. Haha..wow.
    okay, just texted my buddy alex in the hopes that he will be willing to drive out here...hang out and do something with this horrible existence that is my life. lol SAVE ME ALEX. I should probably make a note here that this is mostly sarcasm. I really don't hate my life, but making fun of it seems to help. =]
  Okay I'm going to go call people and do something. ACTION IS ACTION, and i need action. In a purely non sexual way...I'm okay on those terms xD love ya matthew.

song of the day:  Diamond in the sun by Sean Hayes
Meal of the day: Mother's delicious italian wedding cake. omfg.

Bulletproof

Well friends. The post-spring break part of college is now here. It kinda blows because they give us a week off for spring break but then we have to come back till the end of May, with out any breaks. So of course we're sitting in class when it starts to finally get gorgeous outside!

Maryland weather blows anyway. Tuesday it was almost 7o warm delicious degrees outside and then the forecast was snow on Sunday. I mean, seriously, what the hell is that about. How is that even possible?? I really don't get it...so odd.

Corrine's basically never around the dorm room so it's pretty much che de Laura here. Which I don't really mind, I just then when Corrine finally does show up it'll be like "why you in my space?!" when it's really her space to..she just doesn't occupy it. I get up hella early for class/work so when she IS here I can't turn the lights on or put music on or talk to myself. When she ISN'T here I turn all the lights on, and jam to some music while I get ready and it's just like home sweet home.

My darling mother pretty much forced me to live on campus next year. Its a pro because it's definitely more convenient because parking here is horrible and the commute, so I hear, takes ages no matter where your coming from. But then again, I kinda hate the social life here...waking up to our suite mates puking in the bathroom or screaming about some b

oy is not what I like to hear at 3 am. I much like the sound of geese across the road in the pond. Actually, thats really annoying too....hm. It's hell both ways. I'm going to get an apartment.

Ive been on this COOKING spree lately. I actually accumulated recipes and made a binder full of them. When I say full I of course mean there's about 10 but hey, I just started so that's pretty good! Anyway, I made blueberry cornbread last weekend. YUM. I made a whole pan, had one piece, went out, came back home and it was all gone. I was like "fo realz people" and my mom was like "...I had three" haha I see. It's okay though, mommy makes me food all the time, so she can have my corn bread without repercussions. My sister on the other hand...

HA. just kidding. It's corn bread people, I really don't care.

Sarah, Alex, Kienan, Matt and I got amazing mexican food at Papa Joe's

in Westminster the other night. IT WAS DELISH. You should all god and emerge yourself in wonderful mexican cuisine. Get the Guac.

Anyhoo, made some cool tie dye. And now I'm getting sleepy so I'm going to head to bed to wake up really early for work.

Meal of the day: Oatmeal and Bananers

Song of the day: Bulletproof by Lo Roux

Once in a while

Okay, so its already March. How did that happen?

I was sitting at work today when I realized that I am going to be doing essentially the same thing for the next three years. Wake up, skip breakfast, grab a coffee, head to an early class, drink the coffee, go to my next class, eat breakfast, go to work, run home, change, grab something to eat, head off to class. And repeat.

I hate monotony. I hate working. I hate listening to Taylor Swift while I'm working. I hate skipping breakfast. And I hate that this will be exactly what I am doing for the next three years.

Maybe it sounds pessimistic and despondent but I'm not trying to be, it's just a honest realization. I have to make money in order to support my lifestyle, so I have to work. I have to go to school so I can do what I want when I get older.

The problem with all of it is, is that I know a lot of people who don't go to school and are happy with themselves. I wish there was a chance for me to be a photojournalist without having a stunning background, but it's highly unlikely especially since I have no connections in the writing world.

I admire my dad for that, because he dropped out of Peabody (he played double bass) became a carpenter. And then after a few years discovered his love of Cuba and went off to school to earn his degree in Spanish. Now he goes to Cuba pretty much 3 or 4 times a year, loves it, and comes back more happy than ever. He wants us to move to Cuba, thats how much he loves it.

Will I end up loving what ever I end up doing as much as he loves this?

Part of me thinks the answer to that question is "no" because after doing it in school for four years why would you want to continue doing it?

I am one of those people who like change. Thats why I love to travel, why I became a vegetarian, and why I changed my major about 6 times. So who knows if I will actually end up liking graphic designing and journalism by the time I earn my degree.

It's all quite complicated. How I wish I lived in the 1960's.

I'm living with Corrine (code name: C Grizzly) this semester. I love it. When we do see each other, which isn't quite often because our classes are at different times and I work a lot, the stories we have are hilarious. The other night I was hysterically laughing because she was telling me about her fear of fish. Honest to god, it was the funniest thing I had heard in a while:

"Laura....you don't understand. I was neck deep in water. There has never been so much water. I turned around and there was this FISH just right there. It was about to touch me."

...Well, Corrine..you were in the ocean.

I mean, its hilarious. We have this piece of paper taped up on our bathroom door called quotes of the semester and one of them (said by Corrine) is "I'd rather be mugged than touch a fish".

Among others, there's "Your going to eat that with a fork?", and "Your more nervous than a boy's hand going down girls panties".

It's quite a fun room, I wish all of you could come.

I woke up this morning, Matt laying next to me, Corrine and Trent laying in her bed. Look up, and there is this HUGE stop sign that she stole. My first thought was...where the hell are we going to put that? Then I thought, how did she get it past the feds who guard the door? WAIT, how did she get it in the car? (it's that big).

Corrine, Trent and me went out the other night to this park nearby that is closed after dark. Of course, we went after dark. Trent just bought a new car, and some how attracts cops from miles away. He's only had it for about two weeks and he's been pulled over about 5 times. Needless to say, we were throwing sticks in the water and making fun of geese when we see 4 cop cars pull over on the road...right next to Trent's car. Not just one..but FOUR cops.

"You know your not supposed to be here after dark." "Yes, sir" "Then why are you here?" "We just wanted to hang out" "There's lots of other places you can 'hang out'" "Yes, sir" "You could be fucking arrested for trespassing. Boy, I know a cop that would LOVE to take you in" "We are sorry sir, we weren't doing anything" "Thats the fucking watershed, everything you throw in there ends up in the glasses of water you drink *spits tobacco on the grass*" "yes..sir"

I mean, COME ON. That tobacco you just spit is going to end up in the water you drink asshole.

In the end, we got off with just a warning but shesssshhhh. They did not like that at all.

Okay, well I'm in art class right now....

Post again soon

Song of the day: Summertime by Sublime

Meal of the day: Everything bagel with cream cheese

I have time to cry

Do you ever put your iTunes on shuffle only to have thee perfect song come on? I love when that happens because I think "Wow, something went right without me trying".

I was watching Grey's Anatomy earlier (which has now become my most recent TV show must-watch drama) and there was this patient who had seizures. They had put a brain map on her and George and Izzie were trying these different ways to get her to have a seizure because she simply wouldn't have one. They made her watching TV 2 inches from her eyes, and loaded her with espresso but neither worked. But when Izzie and George starting fighting she had a seizure. She had watched people fighting all of her life because she was a divorce attorney. Her life was watching people fight and having seizures. She wasn't having seizures in the hospital because she was happy for once. In the end, instead of having brain surgery to fix the seizures she decides to quit her job and live HAPPILY. Thats the treatment. Holy moly.

So I was watching this and it made me really miss my high school buddies and, dare I say it, school. God, I used to laugh to much with them. Now that I'm in college it seems to close to the time when I will have to find a reliable job, man and have kiddies.

I found all of these old photos from 1993, when I was one and my sister was four. They are so childish and fun. I'm either smiling in all of them or climbing on my sister like a jungle jim. I miss not working and not giving a shit about things. Children have it so lucky. I am incredibly jealous. Maybe thats why I miss working with kids, because it was my job to be funny and goofy with them. They loved nothing better than when I would chase them around on the play ground or "make dinner" in the sand box. It makes me think about my life. (sorry for writing such a serious blog. I'm really just writing pretty much anything that comes to mind).

I am studying to be a Communications and Graphic Design major. What the fuck am I going to end up doing though? I swear if I am designing the packaging for condoms I will go crazy.

The good thing though, is that I am way to committed to falling in love and going on adventures to have myself sit behind a computer messing about with Photoshop.

I really like to think that life is all about finding love. I know that may sound cliche but half of the things I think about are about being happy with someone. Maybe I just watch way to many chick flicks and think way to much about the perfect moments I have with Matt, not to say that we constantly have perfect moments because we don't but when my veins are roaring with anger over something or when I am on the verge of crying out a gallon of water it's the perfect moments that make me happy again. The LOVE that is there.

When Matt doesn't call me when he says he will I get sad, but other times he will call me at 3 AM to say his bed is too big without me and he misses me. Thats the annoying thing about love is you can't help it.

I haven't found my soulmate yet but I can't express to you how happy I will be when I finally do.

Song of the day: You don't have to cry by Crosby Stills and Nash

Something about the day

There is something about today that just completely sucks.

I woke up this morning at 9, after my phone alarm went off, then I sat up and waited for my alarm clock to go off (because I don't trust my phone). Maybe it was the fact that I actually had to get up and go to work that made today drab. I can't really decide. The weather wasn't all that bad. Colder than it has been I guess. I got to work and my coworker was there. Didn't do too much, made a couple of files, talked about the holidays and wished I had gotten a coffee on my way there. Maybe it's the fact that my new year resolution along with everybody else is to lose weight. Well who knows, I just know there's something about the day that's not sitting right with me.

I hate trying to lose weight. I'm actually at a healthy weight for my height so now its just aiming for that false idea of perfection. I tell myself I'm going to go to the gym after work (which I actually managed to do today) but it's a horrible wreck trying to get the motivation to work out for more than a half an hour. I think it might have to do with the fact that whenever I go to the gym its all these fit college guys in their tight tank tops and ripped muscles as an audience. I do not understand why people run for 10 miles, much less lift weights for an hour. Personally, all I really do at the gym is set a goal to burn about 100 calories and if I go over that HURRAH for me. That way when I manage to not be such a lazy bum I feel good about myself. It works.

I did burn 100 calories at the gym and then did free weights for about 2 and a half minutes. But then I got home and thought "well thats a shitty way to start my new year" or something much less positive along those lines and did a pilates/yoga video which I find much more awesome. Of course it was all for nothing because I can simply not deny myself mint chocolate chip ice cream. It is way to delicious to feel bad about eating, at least while your eating it.

There could be worse thing to suffer from. I would rather eat a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream as a youthful college kid that later when I'm 62 and have diabetes.

SOOO now that we've talked about weight I'd like to change the subject.

I just watched the Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya sisterhood. Completely and totally not what I expected at all. For some reason I was envisioning more Sisterhood the Traveling Pants kinda bull shit. This was actually hilarious because I feel like know people were like that as a kid. I mean, you gotta admit, your grandma probably did some pretty crazy stuff when she was a teen so it's fun to watch the memories of these people come to life. A lot of it was depressing, but the creative crowns they wear totally make it worth it.

Meal of the day: Dad's home made Mac and Cheese

Song of the day: Come talk to me by Bon Iver

Just sittin here

The cabin trip was amazing. The fact that Matt and I had to be alone with each other for a grand total of 3 ish days, was at first quite daunting. Matt kind of keeps his feelings to himself, which is the complete opposite of me. Well on most aspects anyway. I love talking to people and finding out new things, Matt knows a lot, its just hard to get him rolling on a topic. So, on the first night when we popped open a bottle of Yellow Tail I was really happy to have this passionate voice raising conversation with him. We were both getting really emotional about what we were talking about, and mostly for him, his past. Because of the minor drinking we had done I couldn't help but laugh as much, or more than he did. So it was an incredibly giggly crazy fun night. I would love to do it again, and I think we might be for new years (yay 2011).

We went hiking on Saturday with Raven. Well, in the morning I desperately needed coffee, and water (wine super demolished my hydration. I haven't been that thirsty since my backpacking trip in august). It was snowing, since we were up in the mountains. We went to this national park, found some cabins we are thinking about staying in over the summer and explore the park a little bit. I've enclosed a picture of the view while we were driving since I usually left the camera in the car.

On the way back home we had to stop to get gas. We decided to go to this small truck driver stop to get it, do not ask me why. I pull out my bank card (cause I didn't have cash) and the screwy machine is all screwy and being a pain in the bum. I started yelling at it..well to quote me I went "I hate country ass gas stations". Matt started cracking up because I walked off into the shop in my rain boots, leggings and coat. When I came back he told me he was "praying no one would come at him with a hunting knife". Yeah, cause that would be SOOOO different from where we live. Anyway, it provided ample laughter for about 20 minutes in the car ride.

Well now I've told you about my weekend.

I could tell you about Christmas, but really, it was just another Christmas. We all exchanged gifts, my sister stressed out about making a 16 by 14 inch gingerbread house, my mom crowded the kitchen with cooking, while I cleaned the rest of the house until family came over. Favorite gift? Probably have to go with this beautiful necklace my dad gave me. It's a turquoise pendant with two handmade metal rings around it. It's beautiful and I can't wait to wear it somewhere.

It's snowing here now. I think we are supposed to get quite a bit, but I don't really know. I was going to spend the night at Matt's but he was super tired cause he had woken up at 4 AM for work. So he went to bed at 7.30, I tried to sleep, but couldn't and left around 11.30. The roads were horrible. I was really happy to get home, I was starrrrvvvinngg. My sister and I watched a pretty bad film about Ted Bundy, the serial killer. Super messed up. I also watched a documentary about H.H. Holmes, the first serial killer in America, whom no one seems to have heard of. Check it out, yo! You gotta know these things for when you go on jeopardy.

It is now 2.31 AM, I am semi sleepy...and I think I might try to fall asleep now.

Write again soon, hopefully.

Love, Laura

Meal of the day: Clementines with Cereal

Song of the day: Turn me on by Norah Jones

holy moly

I haven't blogged in god knows how long. I really miss it. Okay, wait I lied because I totally have blogged, but its been for my Mass Communications class and I'm not to passionate about what I'm blogging about so I consider it homework. So much shit has happened, even though I feel like I'm not really living up to the college experience.

I've been watching crap tons of LA Ink, with Kat Von D and the crew. It's made me realize that I want a tattoo. I had been thinking about getting one for a couple of months, but seeing how much they mean to people and how fantastic of an experience it is makes me want to get one even more. I was watching one episode today that I was trying to hard not to laugh out loud to. This guy got a cheese tattoo, because he had recently become lactose intolerant and so he wanted to memorialize his past life with cheese. I know it's cheese, but he really loves cheese. There's this clip of him and he goes "provolone, SWISS. God it's all so good." and then he's like "I just really love cheese." And the way he says it is so sincere and so you end up thinking, "well, now I can't see why you wouldn't get a cheese tattoo" and of course Kim does an amazing job. At that point your like, well shit, you could get a tattoo of a crumpled paper and these people could make it look amazing.

So, what I am thinking for my tat is a sunflower with a few vines around it. It's definitely more simple, but I've always been simple. I remember when I was little my dad was reading to me in bed and noticed a necklace I had on, and he went "You really love those simple beautiful things in life" and its completely true. I do, and I really love sunflowers, when I see them it just makes me so happy and brings back good memories. I'm super excited, hopefully I do follow through with it (I already have a designated tattoo buddy), if I do I'll let yall know about it.

On a different note, Matt and I's one year anniversary is this weekend. SATURDAY. Holy shit. I really can't believe its been a year. Time flies. I've been really happy with him and he's definitely changed me as a person, in all the good kind of ways of course. Or at least I like to think so. We rented a cabin up in the mountains. It's real suave, got a kitchen, 2 bedrooms (TWO BEDS. YES.), and a bathroom. Ya know, all we need. It was pretty cheap, $100 a night, so we are splitting it dutch oven style. Wait, is it called dutch oven? I think it might just be dutch...Well, we are splitting it even. His dog, Raven, is coming along. I realize most girls would probably be like, "he wants to bring the dog on our anniversary trip" but honestly Raven is a lot of fun, he's full of personality and he makes me laugh even though Matt probably kisses him equally as much as me. He will be fun to have on our hikes and what not. Plus that way, when I fall on a rock and bust my leg Raven can stay with me while Matt goes and gets help.

Although I do have to say I am a little annoyed. I probably shouldn't post my super private life online but writing it all helps a lot, and my journal is underneath a stack of books hidden behind the journals of Dan Eldon and in the dust of my shelf. So, last night I had a great time with my best friend Sarah, we got Panera and talked like old times, it was a lot of fun. She left here around 8 to get back to her hubbie at home. She texted me throughout the night cause her and her boyfriend ended up going and hanging out at Matt's place. I know his work schedule, so I knew he got home at 9. He didn't call me till 11.30. I know it probably makes me sound needy and clingy, but I really don't feel that I am at all. I don't see him all week, we usually only talk on the phone for average of 10 minutes a day so it's like "Yo, got 5 to spare?" He called me and I was like "matt, I'm going to bed. We can talk tomorrow" and he was all upset because he hates upsetting me. Anyway, we are all good now and everything. I was just so excited to get a call from him once he got home from work, but he hasn't called yet and its almost 11. He probably won't call, he probably fell asleep.

ALRIGHT, that was huge coincidence. Right as I wrote that, guess who called. Yeah okay, brownie points awarded to Matt. Oddly good timing.

I went clubbing with Sarah a couple of thursdays ago. I had such an amazing time. I danced with some really fun guys and it was just a totally liberating experience because I am normally a shy, self conscious (to the max) person. I know that's completely unattractive to men because they like a "woman with confidence". I got thinking to myself, I don't know these guys, I'm never going to see them again. Let the fuck loose Laura. So I did. And there was maybe only 5 minutes I wasn't dancing with someone. Go me.

Alright, I was supposed to be doing Sociology homework right now and considering finals are in two weeks I should get to that.

Tell you how cabin weekend goes.

Love, Laura

Meal of the day: Everything bagel with cream cheese and Pumpkin Spice coffee (mmmhm)

Song of the day: The Orchard by SeaWolf. ( I am telling you guys, this band is AMAZING. Get it pronto.)